Last night I was thinking to myself about my nana who passed away a few months back. I have a box up in my closet filled with all the cards and letters she sent to me over the years. I have yet to open that that box.
I am nervous to open it and see her writing. I haven't really dealt with all the feelings and few regrets. I wish I could have made it out to NS before she had passed. The last time I did see her was when dad and I went down for my aunt Gwen's funeral. That would have been about five or six years ago.
In her final years she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and she didn't remember so well. Dad talked to her every weekend and he would tell me how she asked about me and how I was and how old I was. Dad and I smiled about it sometimes because when she was able to remember she asked a lot of the same questions. She always made me smile.
In her final days she had given me something that changed the way I feel about a lot of things. My aunt Anne and aunt Sheila were sitting beside Nana and she she said there is a man in the corner and he wont talk to me. There wasn't a man there that my aunt's could see. they asked Nana if it was their father and Nana said no he just wont talk to me. My Nana was a faithful church goer where as I haven't really been much. Not that I didn't try. I was Mormon for some years but never really believed in the concept of the church and how it was introduced into my life.
I know I have always believed in spirits myself. When I was around 15 or 16 I started having a spirit visit me at night. I always knew he was there because I would feel it at the end of the bed like he was sitting there watching over me. I never was scared of this spirit, it was more calming. I came to realize through things that I had heard about my grandfather that my spirit visitor was him. I was always scared to tell others about it in my family because of the chaos that I grew up on. A few years back I told my father that it was his dad visiting me. He had a smile on his face.
He has not been around since my Nana passed so Dad and I believe that he is up there showing Nana around and visiting with my aunt who passed away. We joke about her up there looking down on us thinking dad isn't eating enough or he is not going to get any socks for Christmas.
I am hoping that this blog would help me get out some of my feelings so I can finally open that box.
